Static

It's sad when the person you miss the most is your old self. Granted, I'm generally the same person as I've always been, but there are those differences only I notice as I reminisce on distant memories.
I think we all tend to look back and feel silly about certain emotions and acts we'd exhibited in the past. Sometimes I wonder if it will always be like this. In a few years, will I feel stupid about the thoughts I'm having today? If so, then how solid were they to begin with?

I used to be much more open and less apologetic.
Care-free and took risks. Sporadic.
What happened?!

Did I learn a lesson through a burnt friendship? Did I mature with time? Did I lose trust in myself and others?

It's difficult to pinpoint exactly where a certain change began to occur.
And over time, you are left with the pieces.
I think this is that time for me.

I don't talk about this with anyone, because there's really no point. Thank God for blogs! (As this blog is aptly named "Perpetual Drivel of the Absurd" for a reason.)
And to be honest, I'm too ashamed to bring this up in conversation. I can be so much better, but I didn't strive for it. My failure is exposed through the very essence of my being.


Yeah, I think I'll close on that note before the violins start playing.


Cheers.