Mother of All Nightmares

i had one of the worst dreams this morning, right before i awoke for the day. i don't dream often, but when i do, the dreams are always very bleak and feel overwhelmingly real.

i don't really cry much in real life, at least not since my heart had turned into stone. i've cried probably once in the past year alone, and it was because i was drunk and dealing with a terrible situation that was out of my control. with that said, i bawled like a fuckin' baby in this dream. i'd basically dreamt that my mother had passed away due to an unspecified illness. i was okay at first, and i didn't even tell any of my friends (who were also in the dream) about the situation. however, as a few days had gone by, i began to feel the pain of no longer having her in my life, and i just lost it. i can't really put into words all the agony i'd felt, suffice it to say that it was emotionally draining. i even woke up with a shortness of breath, as i'd been "crying" so hard.

it's so strange that something of this illusive nature can bring about real pain. my heart felt like it was being pounded repeatedly with a mallet. it really did hurt.


i love my mommy and i don't want her to ever leave.