Please Wait at the Gate

i spoke to Sean about my "problem" yesterday. i asked him, "do i have a wall up all the time?" he said, "no, not a wall, but you have a gate."

he explained that although i do generally keep people out, i selectively let some in after i've gotten to know them for a while. i never thought of it that way, but there was much truth to his words. i suppose that's good news, that not everyone feels like i'm shutting them out. i've had a share of people tell me otherwise, though. they say, "you always know more about other people than other people know about you." that's true, but i don't want it to be a bad thing. i feel that people get offended when they realize that i don't trust them. but it's not a personal attack at all, i just don't do well with trust.

i'm okay with the way i am.
but this has become an issue as of late.

i wish i could let certain people in more than i can,
because i feel that they can really be something special.

chuck this up to my fear of being attached to others.
everyone's a letdown.
i think i need to just suck it up.
doesn't help that i'm so shy...