The Conversation

Do you remember how we met?
Silhouetted by the lights
You were drunk and tried to take a mental picture with your hands.
I was thinking about that
And a bunch of other things
Stop looking at the floor,
I need to pour out this expansive dose of words.
I can't explain.
I need to be alone.

I know the timing isn't great
But these things you just can't plan.
I just need a little time
So I can find myself again
'Cause I get buried underneath
All the things they think you are
And I'm too tired to pretend it doesn't hurt to be left out

I had a pocket full of dreams
But I gave them all to you
Now I think I want them back
So can you tell me if I'm crazy or confused?

Don't ever change the way you are
I've never loved anyone more.

Glass Eye

i deleted my previous entry because it's just not how i feel anymore, and perhaps my perception on things was a little skewed by my momentary lapse in judgment.

there's really no need for this entry either, since the past is in the past and i've been completely content with the way things have unfolded. i was mad at first, certainly due to my ego, but then i realized that i really had nothing to be angry about. however, i feel the need to put this out there into the universe, because it will come back to me one day.


although i had come to certain realizations on my own over the past few days, my eyes were pried open even further by a recent conversation with a good friend. we'd been through our share of the good and the bad over the years, so he gave me some very constructive criticisms. in other words, he called me out on all the stupid shit i do. i've always been aware of my own flaws, but i suppose i was a tad bit blinded by all the "good things" i'd done, so all the dumb bullshit i was pulling had escaped my awareness. or i felt that the 2 polar opposites justified each other's existence. maybe.

the more i focused on my past actions, the more i realized what a mean person i can be sometimes. i can definitely be too honest and brutal with my words when i feel provoked... i admit it. i firmly believe that we are only responsible for our own actions, so i shouldn't have dignified my poor behaviors with those of another individual. just because someone else is making mistakes or acting below par, doesn't make it right for me to reflect it through my behaviors. after all, who am i to judge? i was only responsible for myself, and i messed that up. i need to constantly remind myself to always just be the best person i can be, even if things aren't going my way. i need to stop being a fuckin' child about always getting what i want.

in conclusion, there's no point in commenting on another person's actions or flaws, because that is not of my concern any longer. i've learned to let go of my need to have certain people in my life act a certain way towards me in order to comply to my own opinions of "how our friendship should be". it's all bullshit, really. me, me, me... grow the fuck up. i guess it's true what they say, we are our own toughest critics.


anything bad that may have happened, i have taken in stride.
bowing out gracefully :)

angry words won't suffice

[DELETED]

trust is so difficult to regain.

maybe later.

Inevitable?

how do we ever stop taking each other for granted?

it's the universal truth that once a person becomes accustomed to something or someone, whether it is due to excess exposure or the passing of time, that something or someone will eventually begin to lose their luster. there's really no preventing it, and it can be pretty sad. but is it ever anyone's fault?

that's the thing... i don't think anyone's ever to blame. i don't think we ever intentionally start to take people for granted, at least not the ones we truly care about. sure, we can all make more of an effort to count our blessings each day and stay grateful, but the values we hold in others drop as naturally as rainfall in April.

perhaps we should stop holding this against them.
you either walk away from it all, or you stay and accept it.

Letting Go vs. Hanging On

i've come to realize that some of the most difficult decisions in life deal with the question of letting go or hanging on. we've all been at that crossroad, and it never gets easier with time.

i often wonder which path displays more strength and maturity.

they say that when we let go of something, we're really just solidifying the possibility of its regeneration in the future. (and if we hold onto that hope, then aren't we really still hanging on?) however, in view that nothing's promised and tomorrow isn't ever guaranteed, we become so scared of losing what we have.


is it even a choice?
or do we just let go when we're unable to hang on anymore?

it's all very biological, this fight or flight nature in us.
we either stick it out, or we run, right?