Glass Eye

i deleted my previous entry because it's just not how i feel anymore, and perhaps my perception on things was a little skewed by my momentary lapse in judgment.

there's really no need for this entry either, since the past is in the past and i've been completely content with the way things have unfolded. i was mad at first, certainly due to my ego, but then i realized that i really had nothing to be angry about. however, i feel the need to put this out there into the universe, because it will come back to me one day.


although i had come to certain realizations on my own over the past few days, my eyes were pried open even further by a recent conversation with a good friend. we'd been through our share of the good and the bad over the years, so he gave me some very constructive criticisms. in other words, he called me out on all the stupid shit i do. i've always been aware of my own flaws, but i suppose i was a tad bit blinded by all the "good things" i'd done, so all the dumb bullshit i was pulling had escaped my awareness. or i felt that the 2 polar opposites justified each other's existence. maybe.

the more i focused on my past actions, the more i realized what a mean person i can be sometimes. i can definitely be too honest and brutal with my words when i feel provoked... i admit it. i firmly believe that we are only responsible for our own actions, so i shouldn't have dignified my poor behaviors with those of another individual. just because someone else is making mistakes or acting below par, doesn't make it right for me to reflect it through my behaviors. after all, who am i to judge? i was only responsible for myself, and i messed that up. i need to constantly remind myself to always just be the best person i can be, even if things aren't going my way. i need to stop being a fuckin' child about always getting what i want.

in conclusion, there's no point in commenting on another person's actions or flaws, because that is not of my concern any longer. i've learned to let go of my need to have certain people in my life act a certain way towards me in order to comply to my own opinions of "how our friendship should be". it's all bullshit, really. me, me, me... grow the fuck up. i guess it's true what they say, we are our own toughest critics.


anything bad that may have happened, i have taken in stride.
bowing out gracefully :)