i've come to realize that some of the most difficult decisions in life deal with the question of letting go or hanging on. we've all been at that crossroad, and it never gets easier with time.
i often wonder which path displays more strength and maturity.
they say that when we let go of something, we're really just solidifying the possibility of its regeneration in the future. (and if we hold onto that hope, then aren't we really still hanging on?) however, in view that nothing's promised and tomorrow isn't ever guaranteed, we become so scared of losing what we have.
is it even a choice?
or do we just let go when we're unable to hang on anymore?
it's all very biological, this fight or flight nature in us.
we either stick it out, or we run, right?
an update is long overdue, if you don't count the one that i'd posted and took off last week.we're going to Vegas tomorrow. i was beyond excited up until yesterday morning. now, i'm just happy to go. i'm not jumping up and down over it. i haven't even packed yet. i don't know if i have any "nice clothes" to take. it should be fun, though. i'm happy to get away. just not looking forward to the sweltering heat awaiting our bodies.how i'm looking forward to winter, you don't even know.and the future.i have many aspirations. and they mostly involve me in the bedroom of a studio apartment in New York.:)
yesterday afternoon, i found myself in a position that i'm rarely ever in. i found out that someone's been saying some mean things about me (opinions, not even facts!). to my own surprise, i didn't really get angry, and instead i just brushed it off and thanked my friend who had alerted me to this. the truth was, it really didn't bother me, because the person who had said it is someone i don't care much for, and i understand that she thrives off of the negative attention that her foul tongue receives. whatever floats her boat, i suppose. and although it's still unknown to me and my friend which one of the 2 girls had actually said it first, i'm pretty sure i know who it is (and i'm usually right about these things). makes very little difference, though. they might as well be the same person.
the more and more i thought about it, the more irritated i became. (if only you knew how good i was to her when nobody else wanted her around.) and just as i was about to write her off as a stupid bitch for the 50th time, i remembered the good times we once shared. i became a little sad and disappointed in the way things had turned out, because i was the one who created the distance between us, simply because i couldn't "deal" with being her friend anymore. i never know who is to blame in these situations: the one who drove the other person away, or the one who just gave up on the friendship.
a thought began to repeat itself in my head. i believe in the good in people.
i think that helped more than anything else could have. there was no point in being negative and angry. we give in too easily.
as lame as it may sound, a quote has stuck with me ever since i'd heard it out of Natalie Portman's mouth.
"We've all got meanness in us, but we've got goodness too. And the only thing worth living for is the good. And that's why we've got to make sure we pass it on."
sometimes the world gets me a little carried away with anger, and if i ever have any regrets in my lifetime, it would be my moments of negativity. i wish i could practice what i preach, so that i would always be good and kind and loving to people around me. it's a dirty shame that i can't live up to my own principles.
we've only got ourselves to be responsible for.
i really hope it isn't true what they say about growing up, that we all eventually realize who we're supposed to be around all the time, while we slowly drift away from others. i don't want to drift apart from people.i don't like change like this.and without certain individuals in my life, i think i'd fall apart.disaster.
i have not blogged in a while, and i haven't the faintest idea why. writing has always been my release, along with painting and singing loudly in my car. well, "things" have been quite swell. i'm a happy camper!i've been busy, though i'm not exactly sure why. i can never pinpoint the reason i'm busy. people often ask me what i've been up to, and my one response would be, "just working and hanging out." that's really all i do, yet i still have no time for anything else. for instance, i still have not cleaned my disaster area of a room. i am very, very ashamed of myself. in an attempt to sort out all of my possessions, i have made an even bigger mess. and that cute dresser? still in boxes.so, a few of my closest friends are on tour right now with their bands. although i still have everyone else back home, it just feels different with them gone. i felt the same way last summer, too. i'm excited and happy for them, but i don't like feeling left behind or forgotten. i know i haven't been, but it's just a little disheartening. lame, i'm being a big baby.in a way, i'm a tad jelly. i want to be out there having adventures in new & exciting places, too! i guess my best bet is to work hard now and save up money so that i can live out my dreams later. or i can just rob a bank. either way, what would be the point when i no longer have my youth? we're not promised tomorrow. i'd much rather grab life by the balls.balls balls balls.cheers.
