i have not blogged in a while, and i haven't the faintest idea why. writing has always been my release, along with painting and singing loudly in my car. well, "things" have been quite swell. i'm a happy camper!i've been busy, though i'm not exactly sure why. i can never pinpoint the reason i'm busy. people often ask me what i've been up to, and my one response would be, "just working and hanging out." that's really all i do, yet i still have no time for anything else. for instance, i still have not cleaned my disaster area of a room. i am very, very ashamed of myself. in an attempt to sort out all of my possessions, i have made an even bigger mess. and that cute dresser? still in boxes.so, a few of my closest friends are on tour right now with their bands. although i still have everyone else back home, it just feels different with them gone. i felt the same way last summer, too. i'm excited and happy for them, but i don't like feeling left behind or forgotten. i know i haven't been, but it's just a little disheartening. lame, i'm being a big baby.in a way, i'm a tad jelly. i want to be out there having adventures in new & exciting places, too! i guess my best bet is to work hard now and save up money so that i can live out my dreams later. or i can just rob a bank. either way, what would be the point when i no longer have my youth? we're not promised tomorrow. i'd much rather grab life by the balls.balls balls balls.cheers.
i bought this baby yesterday:
i love it. it's cute, yet simple. and it doesn't clash with all the colors in my room. well, it's actually still just pieces of wood in a box, but i should be able to assemble it this weekend. i still have a lot of stuff waiting to be donated or thrown out before there is room for this. i had promised myself to focus on my room this past weekend, but i failed. i was out all day Saturday and Sunday. i hadn't planned on going out on Sunday, but life happens. well, if i hadn't gone out, i wouldn't have gotten this dresser. come to think of it, i probably can't assemble it this weekend because i might run off to Vegas after Jess's graduation. i suppose i need to get a move on during the week.so i disappointed myself BIG TIME on Saturday night.i did this thing where i let myself think all these irrationally dismal thoughts and then took my rage out on other people. i'm not sure what had ignited it, because i was having a great time prior to my inner-crazy. i think i was just tired, and then cranky, and then crazy. when that happens, everything adds to my anger, especially my own shame & annoyance with myself. when i got home, i was just so angry with myself. i realized that i had shut down for a while there, especially on the drive home, because i wasn't responding to other people's inquiries. naturally, i started to feel better within an hour of browsing the interweb. and it didn't hurt that Justine randomly sent me a picture message of her baby sister wearing a panda shirt. she wasn't aware of anything that was going on in my head, but the simple gesture helped me gain a lot of perspective. because if i really were the scummy asshole that i'd believed myself to be, would people still be contacting me about little things that remind them of me?i love myself and my life, but i'm extremely critical of myself in terms of character and behavior. it's rather illogical since it makes a bad situation even worse when i let my temper get the best of me. i really have nothing to complain about, but i continue to torment myself with negative thoughts. old habits die hard. we're all just so used to being let down that we prepare ourselves for collisions that might never happen. but too much armor will weigh us down.cheers.
i haven't written in a while, due to the fact that i've been perfectly content, and there just hasn't been anything that i wanted to vent about. the past couple of weeks have been sweet.i got a spankin' new 15.4" laptop for free, courtesy of my boss. i haven't had a laptop since my old MacBook broke, so this is just great. the problem is, though, i stay up later now.i also bought a new phone yesterday, after using the same one for 3 years. i'm loving it. it sure beats my old phone, which didn't have a QWERTY keypad and drove me nuts when i texted.let's see...i'm still a douchebag. totally flaking out on people all the time. (not purposely though.) i really need to stop double-booking.i'm still in the process of cleaning my room. i've been attempting to for, what, a year now? the hardest part is throwing things away. things i will never miss once they're gone. i don't know why i'm so gotdang sentimental. Jane is an inspiration to me. she posted the before & after pictures of parts of her room that she had cleaned up and re-arranged. i love it.i think i do much better with spontaneity than planning. why can't i be good at both?!cheers.
