My Favorite Weather

the rain makes me ever so happy. it's always been my favorite :)


i'm feeling good. it's Friday!

today is Month End at work, so there is absolutely nothing to do.
the cut-off time for all orders is at 2pm, but i havent received any orders since this morning. i am SO BORED!
i've just been on CNN.com and Facebook all day.

Grog hasn't been to work in a while :( i think he's either sick or on vacation, i don't know. but i do miss his voice.


i wish i could be outside right now. today is gloriously beautiful.
i miss you.


why do i still have so much Polaroid film left?
i wanna use them!


let's have a great weekend, yeah?


so many birthdays lately. so many celebrations :)
makaaa me so happaayyy!




i'm not tired, but i wanna just lay in bed and watch TV.
who's down? :)

I Surrender To You

last night was the SLR/TCF show, and it was pretty damn amazing.
but i'm not gonna lie, i'm pretty bummed that i didn't get to meet Fred or John.


i was THISCLOSE to meeting Fred but i chickened out. he was just walking outside by himself! ughhh, i hate myself for being so shy. i normally don't give a shit about meeting people in bands, but when it comes to those whom i have tremendous admiration and respect for, i do put them on a pedestal. fuck, i didn't even notice him when he was just standing next to me, and Justin had to point him out. oh well, i guess i'll just have to go to more of his shows.
for a new band, The Color Fred was really good. and Straylight Run really did put on a show. i was pretty blown away, and i couldn't take my eyes off of Michelle. hahaha, she's so amazingly beautiful and talented. all the bands were nice and funny. SLR even did 2 additional songs, even though they already ran over their set time.

the show felt SO long. it ran from 7:45 to 11:25. fuuuuuck, i was pretty tired afterwards. dude, indie shows are so different from the shows im used to. everyone just STANDS THERE. the most they do is bop their heads. people don't even sing out loud that much. what the hell?? they're all too nice so you can't push them out of the way or anything.

this girl was really awesome and she let me take her spot, which was the most front & center, for TCF's set :) i got to be under Fred's nose while he sang. <3


the night was great, overall. Justin is definitely one of my favorite people to be in a car conversation with :) the whole night would've been wayyy better if my feet and back didn't hurt from standing still for so long! plus, i'm a grandma on the weekdays. i try to be home by 12am so i can rest up for work the next day. blargh.


i would also like to add that trucks that try to kill me on the street are not cool.

Tragic Endings Are Your Thing, You Love Them

i'm just going to say it:
i'm sick of you people who are "damaged" and/or "broken" from painful experiences/relationships of the past.


grow some fucking balls.


everyone's been hurt. stop being a Debbie Downer and just get over it. seriously. you mope around life like you've got nothing to live for. go read the news, pay some fuckin' attention to the world around you. people are dying of disease, genocide, war, poverty, violence, etc... EVERYDAY. and you're going to just sit there in your nice little house and be depressed about an ex who doesn't love you anymore? or how your daddy doesn't treat you with respect, or how your "friends" don't talk to you anymore? come on, seriously, why do you think you lost those friends in the first place?


i have ended friendships with people whom i thought were just hopeless, and utterly pathetic. there are just some people who prefer to hide behind their "problems" and blame everything on their lack of "stability" and "happiness".


bullshit.


anyone who doesn't attempt to rise above their feelings of despair, and opts for a temporary solution instead, is a coward.

you can do all the drugs you want and have promiscuous sex with as many guys as you want, you'll never be happy this way. you'll just dig a deeper rut for yourself and eventually hate yourself in the future for the stupid decisions you make today.


stop being such a burden to those around you. if you can't see a brighter tomorrow for yourself, then you shouldn't bother using other people to feel better. you're just wasting everyone else's time.


if you can't appreciate all that you have in your life, then what's the point of you even being alive?
go donate your organs to someone who would actually give a fuck.



drink the poison, when you think it's over
inevitable, Verona lives inside of you.

Possible Rain On Friday

so yesterday, right before the end of work, we each received an invitation to the company's annual Christmas banquet. i pondered and pondered upon it, knowing that while i would be eating free food (Todai), i would be eating alone because of the whole having-no-friends-at-work thing. i was already leaning towards not going when i finally noticed that the dinner is on December 7, the same night as the Spice Girls concert. did i somehow know, when i purchased the Spice Girls tickets, that i would be saving myself from a difficult decision 2 months later? anyway, i'm glad that i can't go. i prefer eating sushi with friends, not NOBODY.


tonight was supposed to be the Straylight Run show at the El Ray Theatre, except it got CANCELLED! i bet it's because there was an error with the free tickets deal and therefore the whole thing got kicked out the door. the SLR members have made it very clear that they're bummed about the cancelled show. howeverrrrr, i'm still going to see them tomorrow night at the Glasshouse with FRED MASCHERINO!! :D
i thought i was going to see them all twice, but i suppose i'm content with just once :)
my 2 favorite ex-guitarists of Taking Back Sunday in one night... i don't know man, that's too good.


for anyone who didn't already know this, the album "Tell All Your Friends" changed my LIFE. okay, maybe not life, but it was the gateway to the plethora of beautiful music that i love today. i'm sure everyone has a band like that in their lives, and TBS just happens to be mine. so yes, John Nolan means a lot to me. and i'm going to see him for the first time tomorrow night. i'm quite excited!

:)

Wanted: More

the 4-day weekend was phenomenal.
being at work right now feels like shit :(
howeverrrrr, i'm glad to be making money again.
because of the holiday, i have 16 less hours of pay on my next paycheck. fuck!


i got my first flat tire on Friday morning. dang, i did NOT know what to do, nor did Helpful Isaiah. hahaha, thankfully, DavidJames came to my rescue! ♥ ♥


So Beat It last night was amazing.
i don't remember all the details... but fun times indeed!
as long as i'm with the family, i'm happy.



i'm alone at work today. well, not really alone-alone, but my immediate superiors are both out of the office, meaning i have to deal with the East Coast customers all by myself today :( scary, me no like.



so i re-watched Office Space yesterday. it actually made me feel worse about having this job. of course, it was fun to see how much truth was embedded in the movie, but it was also kinda sad at the same time. it's like, dang, i sit in a cubicle for 8.5 hours a day, 5 days a week. depressing?
don't get me wrong, i like this job, and i'm grateful. but i find myself less & less excited to go to work everyday, even for the money. i know i always talk about how there's not too much to do here, but it's the fact that i have to be here for seemingly the ENTIRE day everyday. it's tedious shiz.




i would like some more excitement in my life, por favor.
thanks.

15 Minutes to Freedom

gahdammit.



work has been exceptionally slow today due to the upcoming long weekend for offices across the US. a bunch of our clients all left work early today, and it doesn't help that they're all 3 hours ahead of us as it is. there's nothing to do! there hasn't been anything to do for hours!


i spent nearly 2 hours on the Target website shopping.
i bought 4 things.


ALL PURSES.




i know, i'm a terrible person.
fuck.


so i've always wanted to volunteer at a shelter or soup kitchen.
who's down to join me one of these days?
it'll be so fun and rewarding. i wonder how you "sign up" to do it.



the news are very interesting today.
did you know that bugs and spiders and little critters used to be GINORMOUS? for true! they just discovered a fossil measuring an ancient sea scorpion to be 8 feet long. is that not ridiculous or what?

the idea of that seriously freaks me out.

slow, slow day...

15 MORE MINUTES!

6th week -- ALREADY??

i just realized right now that i'm in my 6th week of work.
amazing.
did you realize that i was working here for this long already? because i didn't.


so i go on Facebook a lot now when i'm at work, because Myspace is blocked.

it trips me out because all these people i knew in high school, but have lost touch with over the years, are still actively on it. it's so weird to see that life goes on with or without you.


so Christmas is fast approaching. i know this because Black Friday is this Friday. haha
i think we're gonna go camp out at Best Buy.
who's down?
we can go anywhere Best Buy-ish i guess. Circuit City? Fry's?


i want you all to tell me what you want for Christmas.
just send me a message on Myspace or something. ooooooh better yet, send me a postcard with a drawing of what you want on it!! that would be so precious! do it!
cuz babies, i love giving gifts.
it brightens my holidays :]


a note to all you smarties out there:
don't tell EVERYONE that you want a certain item because you might just get like 10 of them.
remember when David got like 6 Arch Enemy tickets?
fuck you assholes that got him an Arch Enemy ticket too. hahaha


i'm ever so excited! :]
the holidays bring out the best in me -- trust.
i'll be a holly jolly little boomboom very soon.


BEAT IT this Sunday for Nancy's birthday!!
i'm stoked. the last time we went was just spectacular.
i'm not much of a clubber but they sure are fun on occasions.


and that reminds me,
i've only been to ONE bar since i turned 21.
lame! let's go! :]


i've been sneezing a lot today =8\
doesn't help that EVERYONE around me is sick.
yeah i'm talking to you....
you know who you assholes are.

hahaha



OMGWTFBBQ!

Viva Forever

this was the taping we went to on Friday morning. it was shot on the "Dancing with the Stars" set, which is actually wayy smaller than it looks.
the experience of seeing the Spice Girls in person and sitting literally 4 feet away from them while they did their interview was nothing short of SUPERFUCKINGAMAZING.
(i would just like to add that the girls are unbelievably beautiful in person and they also have a great sense of humor. and Victoria Beckham is not a robot at all.)

i seriously wanted to cry. my eyes felt watery when they came into the room. i know right? hahaha i was totally freaking out like a 13-year-old.

i must've screamed really loudly the entire time because i lost my voice right after. haha



anyway, i was an hour and 15 minutes late to work today, again. FUCK MY LIFE!
hmm, for some reason, i always over-sleep on the Mondays following floorset overnights at AE. i wonder why... but whatever, who cares.




oooooooh there are a lot of shows coming up and that's pretty much all i'm stoked on these days.


11/24: Dear Life in Whittier
11/28: Straylight Run / The Color Fred at the Glasshouse
12/5: Enter Shikari / Dear Life at the Troubadour
12/7: Spice Girls at the Staples Center
12/8: My American Heart at Chain Reaction

i'm excited :)

OH! i only have 3 days of work this week!
yayyyayayyayayyyyyy!

♥

You Are Not Beautiful

i've never really discussed this issue with people before, and i guess it's because so many around me are guilty.

this doesn't apply to everyone,
but a lot of you are really SHALLOW.


it sickens me to the core sometimes.



dear guys,

all the girls you bring around are freakin' gorgeous. you have your fun with them for however long it takes before you notice other girls again, and then upon your loss of interest, you cut the attention. you stay friends with her at first because you're nice. but uh-oh, the girl turns out to be unworthy of the "nice" you give her, when finally, you slap on that beautifully-handcrafted-in-gold label: DUMB B.

yeah, of course, you lose interest not because of looks but because of a conflict in personality, or the simple realization that the girl you once saw as the goddess of awesome really was just another dumb b.
but has it ever occurred to you that maybe if you didn't initially base your pursuit on her looks, that the juice might have turned out squeeze-worthy?

contrary to what you may think, this is NOT a personal attack on anyone specific or their dating habits.
it is simply a pattern i've seen played out way too many times.
does this make you happy?


i'm all over the place with this one.
there's way too many things i wanna say but i can't because it might offend the people i love. and that's the last thing i wanna do, right?

i'm just so sick of you wasting your time.



and you girls,

stop hurting my friends.

yeah, i'm happy for you that you possess the power of luring a guy into submission with your coy little smirks. sure, have your fun.

you're really just wasting their energy when they try and go out with you, and you have a "thing" you have to attend to at the last minute so you can't make it. girls always use guys to fulfull their need for attention. girls always need fuckin' attention, and they don't care who gets hurt.

but all the power to you hotties,
you have the men of the world on a leash.
but beware,
dogs bite.
and they shit all over the place.


you guys and gals need to stop hurting each other with your dumbshit antics.



i don't know what the point of this all was.
i know it's all common sense.
i guess i just wanted to put in my two cents.



keep searching, you guys,
when what you really want is right in front of you -- just in a different package.




P&L

Spiceyyy!

is this not the cutest thing you've ever seen?!?
ugh, so cute that i can hardly stand it :)

and i might see them TWICE this year??

The "Japanese Warhol"

Takashi Murakami needs to stop being so fuckin' amazing. his work is too overwhelming in person. he's the kind of "good" that makes a person feel like shit. but for some reason, when i glanced over his art, all i could do was smile.

this man is too creative. if you have time, you should check out his stuff. the best thing you can do is to get your ass over to the Geffen Contemporary Museum while his exhibition is still there. (there's only so little you can find online.) you won't regret it. it really helps when you're feeling uninspired :)

he's made it BIG TIME.
i mean, come on, the man did Kanye West's album art.

R.I.P. Kanye's mom :\
pretty sad.



CHRISTMAS IS COMING TO TOWN! :D

It's Not What We Deserve

this morning at about 9:20AM, i received a phone call from my mother.

these were her exact words:
"hello. i just called to say i love you, debbie! okay, i love you!"
and then she did this weird giggly noise thing.

so i said what everyone else would say, "um... okay."
and then we hung up.

yeah, you would think that it was sweet,
but the way she did it made it more creepy than anything else.

so i realized that i hate seeing people eat alone.
okay, not PEOPLE in general, but older people.

there's this man named Douglas, who works inside the warehouse.
he always smiles at you and just has such a light to his aura. i remember i liked him from the start because he tried to make me laugh.
on Halloween, he even wore a black shirt decorated all over with puffy paint with drawings of cats and words like "ask me for candy" and sure enough, he gave us Hershey's Nuggets.<3 he is such a sweetheart, it makes you wanna cry.

when i found out that he had a second job, it bummed the shit out of me. this man, probably in his mid to late-50s, works full-time inside a warehouse, and part-time at a hotel (or restaurant...i'm not really sure). that must mean something you know? older people don't work two jobs for no reason. if they do, then it probably means they need the money. while us kids spend all our money on useless things, he's probably just trying to get by and support his family.

isn't that so funny?
while some people are saving up simply to ensure their survival in this world, others are constantly buying cigarettes, drugs, and booze to cut their lives short.


Douglas shouldn't have to eat alone in the cafeteria.
it breaks my heart.

Inspiration

"I don't think people are being as experimental and innovative enough. I know people can easily say, 'Well, we don't have the Michael Jackson budget.' Wrong, you can be so creative with almost nothing. And that's usually the best stuff, when you strip it down to the bare minimum and go inside yourself and invent. I always want to do music that influences and inspires each generation. Let's face it, who wants mortality? You want what you create to live, and I give my all in my work because I want it to live."

- Michael Jackson

i know a few kids who can find truth and inspiration in those words. i know i do.

i want to make art again.

i miss the feeling of seeing nothing but the paint in front of me (and on me) for hours.

art has always been the one passion in my life. i've been drawing and making paper sculptures since forever. i remember, i once made a 3-D train (including all the stuff on the inside) out of an old calendar. haha, that was pretty dope.

nowadays, i get so caught up in the daily grind that i've totally neglected my passion. when i do have time alone to myself, i'm always too tired/lazy to do anything and i just end up watching TV in bed. i have so many canvases still left in their plastic wrapping, and that kind of puts me to shame.

and now i'm sitting in a cubicle, with no stimulation of any creativity whatsoever.

MOCA this weekend, hopefully.

that should get the ball rolling again.

Tampon

my heart is like a tampon.




i bottle up my feelings like they're bergina blood, in fear that they will come out and make a mess everywhere.

i want my life to be simple and happy, and that's why i hold back certain feelings of... fondness.


it bugs me because it's all i can think about sometimes.
and i'm being completely, boldly honest here.



i want to escape from it so badly.
while at the same time, i want to these thoughts to become reality.




:(

i'm a monster!

i look like absolute shit today.
actually, grotesque is probably the more appropriate term.


my hair is clean, but it's all dry-looking and simply impossible to manage.
my complexion is fuckin' weird. im all pink and blotchy and dark-circly and shizz.
i'm grossing myself out and i can't do anything about it cuz i'm at work.


i can't WAIT to go home, shower, and get ready for Natalie's birthday dinner.


don't look at me though,
i look like King Tut.

First Paycheck

i got my first paycheck today, and i must say, i'm quite fond of it.

althoughhhhhh, i was surprised to see that 20% of my actual earnings went into taxes. it used to be 15% at my old jobs, but i suppose this is different.
the amount on this pay period that went to taxes could've paid for a new iPod, and that makes me kinda sad. hahaha
i'm still grateful though.



ah, i had the most amazing weekend.
seriously, one of the best in seemingly forever.
i especially appreciated everything more after watching "Darfur Now" on friday night.


i am sad to return to reality.
it was good while it lasted.



count your blessings.

Happy Friday!

i'm pretty stoked on the weekend.
being at work sucks, but then it doesn't at the same time.
the only reason it sucks is that i can't be anywhere else when i'm at work. the work itself ain't too shabby.

one teeny complaint:
i get shit for doing what i'm told to do.
well, it's not as bad as you think. nobody reprimands me or anything, but they say shit like "you don't need to blah blah blah when blah blah blah" or "be more careful next time."
my point being, i get blamed for other people's mistakes. sometimes even from the exact same person who told me to do it that way. then i throw it back in their face like OH WHAT'S UP NOW, SON?


i'm looking forward to tonight.
i'm going to the "Darfur Now" premiere in Hollywood with DavidJames. i think he has free tickets. i wish more people would be concerned with these issues, because they're the ones that actually matter. the least you can do is spread awareness, so why not, right?

thennn
Vegas!!
i found out last night that i get to go to Vegas this weekend to see Earth, Wind, and Fire. it was totally unplanned (for me) but that makes it all the better. it's only a few of us, so it'll be chill. Vegas is good either with a few people or a GRIP of people. i hear that in-between shit tends to end up in mad drama. hahaha :] i can tease because i wasn't there.

hahaha and i have a feeling that Vince, Matt, and Pfeff are gonna be knocked the fuck out on the way there.




upon the realization that nobody reads this shizz,
i feel that i can say pretty much whatever the fuck i want.
but then again i probably already do.





bump&dump