Trivial Pursuits

i'm honest and i like to express my opinions, but is it so much so that others feel like i'm imposing my views and decisions on them?

i have this thing for words. i'm addicted and i can't stop.
i apologize in advance for coming off as arrogant and self-righteous.
naturally selfless people like myself tend to be pretty selfish in very trivial aspects of life.
i will go to the moon and back to bring you the stars, but i won't agree with your restaurant choice if i don't want to go there. quite the paradox.

does my stubborn nature help me sustain my dignity, or is it just off-putting? or both?
i just know that i hate relenting. i'm adament about what i want.

i'm not a push-over, nor am i passive or cowardice.
i'd rather tell you how i feel and what i want straight away, rather than complying to you and then complaining about it to someone else later. not my style. i'm not deceptive like that.

doesn't make me a bad person. doesn't mean i don't care about you.
what can i say? i likes what i likes.


cheers.

Bamboozle

amazing weekend, like always.
i finally got an overdue oil change on Saturday, which gave me an excuse to eat & shop with my favorite girl in the world. :)
then in the evening, i spent quality time with Aaron over sushi, before we headed down to JR's apartment for some drunken funfest. i had a blast hanging out with the awesome people i'd met at Paul's birthday party. i really like all them a lot :)

you know you had a great time when you had to pee 3 times at the party, and once more right after you got home. <3

i got to sleep at around 3, but had to wake up at 8:30. i laid in bed til 8:50. haha
then Bamboozle Left allllllllllllllllllllllllll day.
the GREAT thing was that i didn't have to pay. luckily, Larry had an extra ticket for me, otherwise i would've been stuck with paying $35 for food/drinks, $20 for gas, AND $50 for entry. then i wouldn't have been happy about the fact that i really only watched 3 or 4 bands in the 10+ hours i was there.

Dear Life did me proud. i think they sounded really good despite the fact that it was outdoors.
ADTR was energetic as hell. i loved it. the singer couldn't really carry the vocals as well live, but he made up for it with his spunk & enthusiasm. i've loved this band for months and this was my first time seeing them live, so that's something.
oooooh, we got a special treat during The Sleeping's set. Thomas from The Fall of Troy was subbing in for their guitarist, so they did "F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X."! :D how great was that?!
Erica and i were "bi-curious" so we went to watch Jeffree Star's set. awww, it made us laugh like crazy because of how intensely "sexual" it was... and by "sexual", i mean corny. some guy yelled out, "show us your dick!" and Jeffreak responded with "show me yours first! yeah, i bet you have a small dick anyway, so shuttup."
i had wanted to catch all of MCR's set, but i was way tired and not down. to my surprise, i didn't even know the first 2 songs they played. we skedaddled outta there during the 2nd song. luckily, leaving early meant we beat the traffic that would've been CHAOS going out of the parking lot. 10 points for that.


my ass is really sore.

Truth

"i don't care what other people think."

we've all heard it. we've all said it.
but it's not true.

it's a defense mechanism. if we proclaim it to the world that other people's opinions about us don't matter to us, then they can't hurt us. it's almost like being in denial, trying to convince oneself that nothing we do/feel is affected by other people's feelings and actions.

yes, our indifference lies on a spectrum. nobody cares how they look when they're just taking out the trash, or even when they're mingling with their close friends. it's a conditional mechanism, this whole "not caring" bullshit.
i guess we should really say, "i don't care what other people think of __________ when __________."


i don't care what other people think of how i look when i'm at work.
i don't care what other people think of how i look when i'm feeling shitty.
i care what other people think of how i look when i'm out to have a good time.
i care what other people think about my character most of the time.

it's good to care. we have to care in order to maintain good relationships with the people around you.
unfortunately, some people just don't care enough.
they don't care that they've left their friends out in the cold after they were "done" with them. they don't care about honoring the truth.


it's not bad to care about what other people think, but it's dangerous to only care about yourself.
there are some other words to describe that.


if you think about it,
would a person need to proclaim that they're beyond other people's criticisms when that, in fact, is true?

10 Truths to Transform Your Life

1. Gratitude is the most transformative force in the cosmos, because gratitude is love. "When our hearts are broken, we don't think we have much to be thankful for. We don't have to be smiling when we say 'Thank you.'"

2. Your happiness increases the happiness of everyone who knows you. "We have so much. All we have is all we need. All we need is the awareness of how blessed we really are."

3. Whether we live passionately or not is a choice we make. When writers write, the most important emotion is conveyed between the lines. "I want to live in between the lines, where the depth is."

4. Those who live passionately teach us how to love. Those who love passionately teach us how to live.

5. Big changes come with small choices. "Little changes [and] little choices add up to be revolutionary changes in your life."

6. The more risks you take, the luckier you become.

7. Nothing hurts you more than your expectations. "If you trust life and learn to embrace it and try not to control everything, then life can be more wondrous than you thought it would be."

8. Our relationships with others are only as emotionally healthy, happy, holy and content as our relationships with ourselves.

9. The only wound your soul never recovers from is regret. "What I know for sure is that we don't have the luxury of regret any more. The past only asks to be remembered."

10. Cherish each morning and give thanks for each evening.


- Sarah Ban Breathnach

D.A.D. - A Reflection

i really love my friends.
we have done seemingly everything together, if not as a whole group, then as fragments of the group. we've gone grunion-running (failed attempt, no less fun), partied in Vegas, recorded original or covered songs, played at various amusement parks, made the white people stare in Arizona, rode a party bus to Hollywood, trespassed private properties, accompanied each other to potentially boring/awkward/rapist situations, discussed life at the top-of-the-world, discussed life everywhere else, aimless drives, countless shows, sleepovers like brothers and sisters and soulmates and spooners, and the list goes on for days.
we took our experiences to yet another level this past week. about 18 of us were present for Mrs. Honrado's funeral service. that's a fairly large number considering the fact that it was 1PM on a Tuesday, when most people would be at work or school. i know for a fact that at least 4 or 5 of us did skip work to be there. i also know that a lot of people really couldn't make it, but they were very well aware of everything that was happening and sent their deepest condolences and prayers. it was naturally a very sad afternoon, yet i couldn't help but feel uplifted by the love of my friends. we truly, truly from the depth of our hearts, care for each other. even though we all bicker at times, a little drama here and there, bruised egos and whatnot, we will still be there for each other at the end of the day.

i have always felt that this family we have here is unlike 99% of any other (beyond the fact that there's like 50 of us, and we'd go everywhere together). when we all started hanging out 3 years ago, we were immediately drawn to each others' personalities and interests. we would hang out every single night of the summer, and every single weekend when it wasn't summer. oh, the plans we made and the adventures we had. we always tried to outdo our previous events and added little twists to the nightly fun. remember Cage Match night? ha, that was the night i fell and left my knee with a heart-shaped scab (which i ended up showing EVERYONE because i thought it was so cool, and also because i was drunk). that seriously feels like 10 years ago.
there were the people who came and went, friends of friends, but we would always maintain a very large and amazing group in and of ourselves. there was no place we could go where we didn't demand the attention of the entire room/vicinity. the sad thing was, we all predicted that it wouldn't last. nothing this good could ever be forever. i'm really not sure if we were right or wrong, although i must say, it is quite rare to get the entire group together nowadays. now, it has to take a birthday or a big party or something really special to get everyone's attention. back in the day, one person would call you to go to someone's house, and when you showed up, everyone else would be there too. it wouldn't take anything more.
times have changed, but no one is to blame. we've all grown 3 years older and now we have more priorities that trump hanging out. people naturally and inevitably drift apart. we've also divided into different cliques, some very natural, and others intentional. people have shown their true colors, and we are no longer innocent. it is now time to stick to those we feel the closest to, because the others would be elsewhere. but looking past all of that, i believe we still love one another like brothers and sisters, even if there is division. maybe some people are just step-brothers and step-sisters :)

i guess what i have to say is, even though we don't spend time all together as often as we used to, we are still a happy family. the love and support within this group is and always will be the glue that holds us together, even when we are apart. i really miss the old days when we were still innocent, still oblivious to the fact that certain people would just not get along with each other, or that a "family member" could betray you (even after all the time, heart, and money you'd invested in your friendship). i miss the days when we'd just get intoxicated all the time, all the while knowing that we weren't really there for the alcohol. simpler days are behind us. we're still doing good.

3 years.
and hopefully many, many more.
i can't wait for the weddings, babies, first homes, and other milestones in the years ahead.
<3