Static

It's sad when the person you miss the most is your old self. Granted, I'm generally the same person as I've always been, but there are those differences only I notice as I reminisce on distant memories.
I think we all tend to look back and feel silly about certain emotions and acts we'd exhibited in the past. Sometimes I wonder if it will always be like this. In a few years, will I feel stupid about the thoughts I'm having today? If so, then how solid were they to begin with?

I used to be much more open and less apologetic.
Care-free and took risks. Sporadic.
What happened?!

Did I learn a lesson through a burnt friendship? Did I mature with time? Did I lose trust in myself and others?

It's difficult to pinpoint exactly where a certain change began to occur.
And over time, you are left with the pieces.
I think this is that time for me.

I don't talk about this with anyone, because there's really no point. Thank God for blogs! (As this blog is aptly named "Perpetual Drivel of the Absurd" for a reason.)
And to be honest, I'm too ashamed to bring this up in conversation. I can be so much better, but I didn't strive for it. My failure is exposed through the very essence of my being.


Yeah, I think I'll close on that note before the violins start playing.


Cheers.

TLK

"You can't try so hard to control it all. Life is pretty much in the grays for the most part and if you insist always on black and white, you are going to be very unhappy."

We know, but we so often forget.

Good Morning

It's currently 5:25AM right now. I took an unexpected nap some hours back, which subsequently resulted in me waking up at around 2:15AM to my dogs barking wildly. I don't think I'm going to sleep again before I start my day so I figured I'd just blog. I was just watching a scene from "Dan in Real Life" where Dan has just met the female lead of the film, and they are getting to know each other over breakfast. Seems so simple and sweet. I wish I had friends or family who lived in a small town with little cafes and book stores, just so I could visit every so often and take a break from the life here. Time just seems to fly by so quickly. I don't want to miss it and not even realize it. It's already April, for goodness sake!

I feel like I've devoted most of my past few years to other people. I'm barely starting to come into the picture, yet I don't know what I can do for myself. There is still a lot of work to be done though. I am both optomistic (of fruition) and terrified (of failure). So I just keep laughing.

Things That Irk Me, Part I.

1. When people "subtly" work in their accomplishments and victories into the conversation in a boastful manner.

2. When people put others in awkward positions, just to amuse themselves.

3. When you make eye contact with a stranger, and they just look at you without any hint of a smile, instead of just looking away. Is that even necessary? Just look away!

4. Kiosk people at the mall who will stop at nothing to get you to try their hand cream. Or hair straightener. Or butt beads.

5. Driving away while realizing that you've left your wallet at home when you went out specifically to go buy things at Michael's.

6. Wanting to do something all week, but feeling too lazy during the weekend to actually do it.

7. When thin girls say they're fat to gain compliments & reassurance. Keep it real.

8. When people use that extra room in the right lane to drive ahead and cut in front of you on the freeway in heavy traffic.

9. Being blinded by the thick fog while trying to make it home safely going 7MPH, all the while regretting your decision to go out that night.

10. When people do things to deserve criticism, yet cannot accept it nor understand its origin.

11. Weird vibes from an acquaintance. Because it's not like you can just ignore them when you see them.

12. When a show you absolutely love is on hiatus and is in danger of being cancelled.

13. Feeling uncertain if you're supposed to hug someone you'd just met.

14. Not keeping up with blogging! :\