Good Grief

Fact: Charlie Brown has never kicked the football.

I wonder, if Charlie Brown had eventually succeeded in kicking the football, would all of his failed attempts be just as significant? I can't decide if he was naive to keep trying when he was set up to fail, or if he represented an unwavering force of determination. Or maybe Lucy van Pelt was just a little bitch.

More Drivel

I've been doing much contemplating on what truly matters in my life. It's really difficult, because all of my long-term hopes and dreams collide with my current state of mind and being. For instance, while I'm dying to reward myself with certain materialistic things, I know my priority should be to save save save. There are certain goals I need to fulfill for myself, and not just for vanity-related reasons. I need a new car. My current car is fine, but I feel that I need an improvement in order to take myself more seriously. I also need extra money set aside so that I can travel. One step at a time. Maybe it will just be a few train rides here and there at first, but I will make my way to the Apple. I've always had the fantasy of going alone without telling anybody, and not coming back. But let's be real, the chance of me actually doing that is slim to none. It's like the scene in "You've Got Mail" where Frank and Kathleen have amicably broken up, and Frank asks Kathleen if there's "someone else". She replies, "No...But there's the dream of someone else." It's both uplifting and disparaging having this dream that won't fade away. It's easy to hop on a plane, but I want to make a life there, and that isn't exactly a walk in the park. Sometimes I feel really dumb about it, since (it seems that) everything I need is here, but there's a longing that's constantly pulsating inside. It doesn't help that I feel completely lost right now. I'm just really scared that I'll get trapped into a routine, a rut, and end up resenting myself in the future. Because that would suck balls.

Yes

"I believe that we are all fields of energy and you have the choice whether to be a positive or negative field of energy. I know that sounds hippie-ish but it's what I believe fundamentally. So you could be a bag of toxicity, or you could be a happy, good person that spreads joy. I believe in spreading joy.
Everybody goes through hardships and it's your choice how to deal with them. Your choice should be to progress and to evolve, and to handle things with some level of graciousness. Yeah, life is hard sometimes – but I think you have to just realize, you know, that someone is probably experiencing something more difficult and to please work past it as expediently as possible."
-- Drew Barrymore

Scary Times

First of all, I think any of us who actually has a job at a time like this is very, very fortunate. That list is pretty scary, considering it's only been 26 days into 2009. I don't know whether or not I should feel secure with my job. While we're doing fine right now, there's no telling whether our customers will be able to sustain us in the coming years. Things are relatively normal, but I'm not oblivious to the possibility of a bad surprise. I just hate that feeling of "you never know". I've been looking around the web for new job opportunities. Since I still don't really know what I want to do with my career/life, I figure I'd just test the waters (if I dare!) I'm not sure if I have the balls to jump around, since I really fear instability and uncertainty, as previously stated...

Anyway, I was looking at personal assistant jobs, writing jobs, caretaker jobs, etc. -- just for fun, I suppose. I don't exactly have all the experience and know-how required for those jobs. There was an ad for a PA job to a "high-profile Hollywood person" who travels all around the world, paying 70K a year. That one sounded so bad ass, but it requires like a minimum 7 years of prior PA experience.

I think cosmos really cut me a break giving me a full-time job right before the economy went into the shitter. I can't imagine where I'd be if I had never accepted it. Still, I need to keep searching. I've recently realized that I need to search for greater opportunities, or else I might be stuck here for longer than desirable. It wouldn't be so bad if this industry was one that I'd like to be a part of, but I can honestly say it isn't. I don't dislike it, but I don't think I'd want to advance in this field for any reason other than money and travel opportunities. I guess we'll see.

This is practically all that I think about these days.

Best of Both Worlds

Meet BabyMac :) She's only a few days old, but already useful and completely convenient to carry around.

I'd purchased a Wind netbook from my office and had it re-formatted to Mac OS X. I don't technically need it... but it's nice to be back in the Apple family again.

Not counting this recent expense, I've actually been more strict on my spendings lately. I'd like to either move out or buy a new car. I haven't decided which one holds greater priority, because neither are really even necessary, but both would be really nice. My parents told my sister and I to buy a place together so we can move out, but I hardly think I'm ready for that just yet. And to be honest, I don't think I'd love living with my sister, or anyone really. Ideally, I'd like to live alone. I'm not sure how well I would do seeing the same person day in and day out, especially if it's a friend. Anyway, it's a good buyer's market right now, so if I want to eventually buy a place, I need to do so in the next few years (before the economy bounces back). As for the car, I guess it's just easier to aim for right now. However, my standards are quite high, so I definitely need to wait longer. I really like to constantly think about these things because it gives me something to work for. And of course, I need to constantly remind myself that we're playing in the big leagues now and I can't keep spending money on temporary thrills! But then when I think about all that I do have, I feel so grateful and content that I think striving for more for myself would be wasting resources that could be spent on the less fortunate.

I guess there's never enough to go around.